I’ve been motherly my whole life. I always knew I wanted to be a mother; I just didn’t actually ever want a baby until I met my FI. Seriously. Like 6 months into the relationship we were talking about it. I’ve been in other relationships where I was scared to death that I would get pregnant. Now I’m to the point where I hope for it every time! Before we got engaged, I was obsessed with a baby. However, now that we are engaged, I still want one, but have another outlet for my obsession: the wedding. I spend all day thinking about it and planning it; for the first couple of weeks, I couldn’t sleep because I was brainstorming. FI is now ready for a baby, which means a lot to me. He suggested we go for it next cycle. Here is my list of pros and cons to help me with this decision.
Pros of having a baby now:
- I get to have a baby, now!
- FI has a really great job and is making good money with amazing benefits
- I’ve been very healthy and am very happy and not stressed
- Been taking prenatal vitamins for 2 months
- I want to have lots of kids and it would be nice start early
- I’m currently working in an environment where pregnancy and children are seen as a gift, not a burden.
- Would be an excuse to skip this semester of college
- FI is ready
- Have space in our home for a baby
Cons of having a baby now:
- Don’t want to have to lose the weight again before wedding
- Social pressures to wait until after marriage
- Want to be able to enjoy myself at my wedding without worrying about the baby
- I don’t want to be too busy with baby to get everything for the wedding done
- Don’t want to do all my exciting things at once (I want to revel in the marriage thing, and as soon as that happens, start again with the pregnancy, I want to stretch the really exciting things in my life out)
- I just got offered a new job (nothing serious, just at a coffee shop)
Whenever FI and I talk about it, his excitement about starting a family with me is so endearing. He wasn’t always this way. I finally was able to talk him into it. I’ve been the one hounding him and always mentioning it. I would get upset when he would say, “not yet, I’m not ready” so I feel it is only fair to him that now he is finally ready, I should be too.
I come from a very liberal family; it is fairly common to have children out of wedlock, so I wouldn’t be ostracized. Babies are always welcome with open arms.
Do any of you have children/planning to have children? How important is it for you to wait until you are married?
I'll leave you with this adorable picture: men and babies...no cuter combo.
FI with my cousin's FOURTH baby! Isn't he CUTE! oh, and the baby is ok too...
I love men with babies too!
ReplyDeleteFor us, the decision is pretty easy though. We want some time to travel and just be a married couple before adding babies into the equation. I do get baby fever sometimes though. So.Freaking.Adorable. And I have always wanted to be a mom someday too.
No one can tell you and your FI what to do - but what would your family say? Would you get lots of love and support even though you aren't married? Does it matter to you that people will think they baby is a "mistake"?
GOOD LUCK with whatever you decide! Such exciting things coming up in your life!!!
Thanks! I can't decide if I just have baby fever, or I can really fit one into my life right now.
ReplyDeleteMy family is fine about it. My parents had a kid before they were married, my cousin and MOH (whose baby is pictured above) had her first out of wedlock. My brother and his wife conceived before marriage (she was 6 months pregnant at their wedding). I would definitely get lots of support and love. I know people (at least the people I care about) will know the baby isn't a mistake. I have been discussing it with my whole family for quite some time and everyone pretty much knows that we are looking to start a family. My mom knows that we are planning for next cycle...she is giving me lots of advice.
I guess I didn't think I would get so into the whole "wedding planning" thing, but I have really taken to it and I want to have a perfect day. I feel selfish, however, to think that my day wouldn't be more perfect with a child.
Thanks for listening...it is really nice to get this stuff out!